Why do I put myself though this all the time? | darlene's Blog

I'm an intelligent woman.  But I get myself involved in hopeless situations.  I am upset right now because my married boyfriend is upset that his wife wants him to leave.  It really hits home about how he feels about me. 

I always said it didn't matter, but apparently it does.  I wish that I could fill the void in his life but apparently I can't.  I have be kidding myself for 3 years.  I don't talk about it much because it's a little shameful secret.  Yes, I do have some stories on here about it, but nothing close to the feeling that this has.  I just left him, trying to comfort him and he can't be comforted and I feel like shit.  I know he knows he made me feel that way because he's called me twice since I left him.  But, I don't need his feeling guilty right now about making me feel bad. 

I am so tired of this shit.  A dear friend of mine said he is like bad dope and I am beginning to believe it.  I know it's bad for me but I am addicted. 

I just want to be someones everything and I have settled for less my whole life.  Do I deserve this?  I must think somewhere deep down that I'm not worth it.  The men in my life have made me feel like that a long time.  I tired of settling for something because I can't have everything.  Maybe I am better off alone.  At least then I know what to expect and I won't have to hurt at the hands of someone else.